Steps for Building a Good Marriage

27 Dec

One of the best ways to improve your chances of leading a fulfilling life is to build a strong marriage.

It is important to note, that this is not easy. Marriage takes continuous effort; it’s never guaranteed – especially if you lose focus and motivation; but, most of the requirements for building a good marriage are within your control.

I have 3 easy steps, or guidelines, to help you.

  1. Become good marriage material
  2. Pick a good marriage partner
  3. Work for you marriage every day

We’re going to focus on step 1 and 2 in this post. Imagine you want to get married. The first step is to make yourself into a person that someone would want to marry and be married to for the rest of their life.

Step 1: Become Good Marriage Material

This might not be difficult if you’re young enough to avoid the abundant pitfalls that many find in life. When wisdom enters a person at a young age it is a recipe for a wonderful life. Too often, unfortunately, the young eschew wisdom and plunge themselves into trouble that could easily be avoided. Adulthood looks daunting to a young person and often temptations look more appealing than the responsibilities that should come first. Patience is a practice that must be learned and applied prudently to build a good life.

So, you’ve realized that marriage is the best path in life for you but you’re wondering if you’re up to the task and what you need to work on to increase your chances of success. Congratulations, you are thinking in the right way to achieve your goal. NOTE: if you don’t recognize that marriage is the best way to achieve happiness for most people, then go away and come back if/when you do – don’t try to debate me on this here.

The following attributes are a good starting point to asses your worthiness for marriage and if you’re not satisfied with your current status, then you know what you need to work on.

  1. No Substance Abuse / Addiction Problems: Avoid addiction and manage any history of substance abuse problems you may have
  2. Sense of Responsibility: Do you follow through on your commitments?
  3. Financial Resilience: Is your debt managed, good prospects for income now and in the future, saving money?
  4. Moral Fortitude: Overall, do you have the willpower to stick to a good moral code? Do you even have a moral code or a basic understanding of morality?
  5. Emotional Stability: How easily do you get upset? How do you handle your emotions?
  6. Capacity for Compassion: Marriage requires compassion, empathy and willingness to sacrifice to help those important to you
  7. Physical and Mental Health: This is more within your control than many people want to believe. Do you eat right, exercise and get enough sleep? Do you even put the effort in?

Step 1: Pick A Good Marriage Partner

So, now you’re on the road to self-improvement. You’re ready to find a partner. Here are the attributes to look for.

  1. No Substance Abuse / Addiction Problems
  2. Sense of Responsibility
  3. Financial Resilience
  4. Moral Fortitude
  5. Emotional Stability
  6. Capacity for Compassion
  7. Physical and Mental Health

Isn’t it ironic that the exact same things you should expect in a partner are what your partner should expect in you? No. It’s not ironic at all. It’s just logic. Work on yourself. Then find a worthy mate.

These lists are just a start and by no means comprehensive; but, I think these are the main attributes that should be assessed before you even consider compatibility (personality, attractiveness, likes/dislikes).

If you happen to have someone in your life who seems highly compatible, then assess these attributes. If the prospective marriage partner does not appear to embody these attributes enough, you’d better discuss them before you continue down that road.

Marriage needs to be taken seriously. It takes 2 strong pillars that can each stand on their own but more than double their stability when they are bound together.

Two Pillars of Change « Wayne Hastings

OK. Now get to work. Comment or come back later for further discussion.

One Response to “Steps for Building a Good Marriage”


  1. Building A Strong Marriage Step 3: Work Your Marriage Every Day | culdesachero - February 16, 2021

    […] you followed Steps 1 & 2 and you’ve successfully found a partner willing to tie the knot. You worked on yourself and […]

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